Confidential.

I'm going in circles
Gasping
Fighting like a soldier
Just to let go

I am not one of the girls that does this to herself.
I have no time or energy to create myself a problem.

Don't leave me
Like you do in my dreams
Don't let the past swallow me
Please hold on, I can't help but scream

I stare into old photographs
And I do not cry, but I almost start
Who knew that things that didn't last
Could sew themselves into your skin and rip you apart

Sometimes I look in his eyes
And wonder if he knows
I'm fighting to survive
And sometimes surviving means letting go

Part One

When people post on their blogs about desperate situations
And challenges
And heartbreak
I feel it too
And I worry about them.
To those of you who worry like that,
About concerning words and things,
Know that what I'm about to say
Is a desperate situation.
It is a challenge.
It is heartbreak.
However, sometimes I am becoming gone,
Or I am fading away or hurting too badly,
And maybe I should be worried about.
But this is not one of those times,
So believe me when I tell you,
You shouldn't worry this time.

--Adam Young, one of the few people who feels how I feel about things.

Alone on the outside
So tired of looking in

Usually can't get out of bed
From exhaustion or not wanting to start the day
But I had to this morning
Because of the reason I was awake

I got up because the only thing
I could think of was my nightmare when lying in bed
Mixed with the fear of falling back asleep
Only to face the dream again

Jumping in the shower
Only to wash it all away
I don't wanna be here
Not with this delicate pain

I can't. I can't. It echoes in my brain.
How could my mind be so elaborately cruel?
To paint such a stabbing picture in my vivid frame?
Yelling and crying
Oh, I've never been more sure
That I must have cried throughout the night
Cried aloud from what I had endured
It was so agonizing
I can hardly believe it happened
The fact that I thought it was real..
Made it ten times worse than it had been
Take it away
Take it away
Oh darling, there's a reason I'm writing on a blog
Whose words never reach your ears
Because if you knew what I dreamt about last night
I swear, you'd be in tears