Call it afraid
Don't call it alone
I swear I'm right here
Pick up the phone
I love you. I do.
You don't even know
I'm not gonna scream
But I may explode

Capes

"... and I've been trying so hard just to help my friends and save everyone, but no matter what I do nothing changes, and I can't be anyone's hero ever, so--"
I stop when I hear his voice on the other line, but I can't make out what he says.
"What?" I choke out.
"You're my hero," he says softly.
I let out a breath of air, and it sounds like a sad, exasperated laugh.
"Well..." I start.
I want to shout and tell him no I'm not, I'm just his special, emotional burden and that I haven't been able to help him once.  I want to sob, because I'm not a hero at all, and he'll figure that out one of these days.  And change his mind.
And I want to cry, because what if I am his hero?  What if I have saved him?  He would be the first.
I don't know what to say.  Usually I can foresee what he might tell me in certain situations, but this comment of his was totally unexpected.  I've been caught off guard.
I'm not a hero, love.  I just pull on a cape and tell jokes.

Coping.

She says, "Miracles don't exist."
I say, "Yes they do."
She says, "No they don't,
And you know that's the truth."
"No, miracles exist.
Just look at the past."
"Oh Emily," she says,
"You know that I have.
You think that those miracles
Are really going to last?
They're patient, broken hearts
Simply wearing clever masks.
Miracles don't exist."
I tell her they do.
"Miracles exist,
And he's living proof."
At this she almost softens
As if in sympathy
"Emily, please..
Do you really believe..."
"Yes," I tell her,
Before I can hesitate.
She says, "He's happy right now,
But he's not gonna stay.
You have thoughts and emotion,
A little too much.
And with persistence and color,
You don't have quite enough."
"Maybe he can make up,"
I say quietly
"For the things that I lack
Since he has everything."
"That's the other thing, doll,"
She phrases to me
"He's a little too perfect.
He's out of your league."
"Maybe he's perfect enough to stay,"
More confident now.
"Who are you to say he won't?"
And my voice echoes loud.
She says, "You have no proof!
There is nothing at all
To assure you he'll keep loving you
Instead of letting you fall."
I maintain my posture.
"We're getting off topic.
We were talking about miracles,
I think we should drop this."
"This is perfectly on topic,
And you know that I'm right.
Miracles don't exist,
And I'm telling you why."
"You do not know
Any more than I do.
You hold to your thoughts,
And I'll hold to what's true."
She sighs and looks at me.
"This is for your own good.
I'm not trying to hurt you,
I never would."
"I know," I say,
"You're just confused.
So leave me alone,
This is what I choose."
I take a deep breath.
I don't want to hear her.
So I turn my back
And walk away from the mirror.

Chapter Two

"We lost faith
"In the arms of love."


The faster I run
The tighter it gets
For I find that this noose
Is not tied 'round my neck

Its grip is much stronger
It's bound my heart
You spilled my blood to fill a lake
But it only filled a jar

There are no right people left
And the people left aren't right
There's no one here to save me
Not the fools, and not the wise

And with a flag I mark this site
This is where I lost my mind

Chapter One

She rode away on a horse
And she's long been on the move
Thinks that she can run away
Thinks she can hide from the news

But you can't escape the truth
No matter what you choose

She rode away, head held high
She ran away through and through
With wit dripping from her tongue
Thinks she can hide from the noose

But your dreams will tell the truth
In the end, they always do

I've been 'round this bend a million times
I have felt these words with a million lies
But the more that I say it, the less I believe it
The less I believe it, the harder I try

Permission to Leave pt. I

I needed a place
Where I could be loud
I needed a place
To scream and to shout
And if it seems
That I'm found out
Don't let this place
Tear you down

I didn't tell anyone
About this blog
I'm not saying get out
I'm saying it's long
This journey of mine
You're welcome along
Just don't be offended
If this blog seems wrong

I don't wanna hurt anyone
If you're reading this, you should know that
It's just some things I cannot escape
And some things here may show that

Shake

I can't
Do that
I can't
Be her
The one you
Tell me
Is still
Better
I can't
Say that
I can't
Listen
I can't
Try to
I still
Miss him
I can't
Do this
I can't
Be here
I can't
Feel this
I can't

Breathe.

(you care)

Maybe I love you
In the same way you love me
Which explains why
At first I didn't see

Maybe I can't fix your problems
Maybe you can't fix mine
And I can't explain how much I love you
So I won't even try

Okay.
I believe you.

I spend my days wondering about you
And my nights wondering if I'm a fool

Self-Titled Self-Pity

But if you don't say you're ugly
If you don't say you're forever alone
If you don't bring up your hardships again and again
If you don't say you're the queen of sorrow
If you don't remind them of all you've been through
How you've walked through life on your own
If you don't make them pity you
And I guess I really don't
If you don't wallow in your misery
If you don't tell them that no one knows..

Nobody asks if you're okay
Nobody asks if they can pray
Nobody respects you, nobody stays
With you through the nights that you're still wide awake
Nobody cares if you haven't made your troubles known
If you don't complain and don't claim the throne
Of unrequited love and shattered reflections
They look at themselves and expect perfection
Look at me and I give them protection
I write about my sorrows but don't ask for attention
And so therefore I'm on my own
Write on a blog that I haven't made known
Because I won't call myself ugly, I won't ask for it
So in my mind I hop in the car and floor it
And everyone thinks that because I have him I'm completely fine
As though all you need in life is a guy
They say it's easy for me so I must be alright 
I'll say it now, nobody understands my life

Drying Blood

In your self-pity you ask for help
Maybe you thought I was someone else
All you feel is all I felt
I can't help you if you won't help yourself